The interweaving of self-narration and Zen practicing is wonderful. When I recorded myself more sincerely, I felt that seeing these words in my research is like seeing my own soul. The outlined emotions and feelings were quite vivid. All the events about me will be disintegrated, reorganized, and linked because of the complete and true recordings. As I can remember, when I was a child, I always asked myself, "Who am I?" and "Why am I living in this body?" It is a really profound inquiry for me. In my process of growing, there are many difficulties and distress in my life. What I encountered was being as an only child in my family, desiring having a unique expression, annoyance of pimples, cleared-class in military culture and the death of my close relative. In the beginning of the thesis writing process, I felt frustrated and aimlessly associating. However, as each valuable experience was recorded, the core of all issues was gradually sorted out: loneliness.
I am lonely. Through self-narrative research and Zen practicing experiences, I understood the solitude of “I”, and found myself in the world and regained my life.
